Who among us hasn't heard, or used, the phrase, "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder"?
I recently caught myself using this phrase, and for some reason it struck me just how asinine a phrase it really is. On the surface, it's benign and harmless. Most of the time when I hear it, and when I use it, it is to boost the confidence of a woman who lacks self-confidence. Usually she's just been told by someone, often a man, that she's not pretty enough, not beautiful in any way, or that she's only good for one thing.
I realize I'm generalizing here, but I'm speaking from my personal experience. Bear with me. I'm not saying that all women, when faced with such criticisms, break down. I'm not saying that this pain is unidirectional from men to women. It can just as easily go the other way. It can be inflicted on people by others of the same gender.
But, as a man who identifies as a feminist, I recently realized what we use this phrase to really mean: "Oh, don't worry! You'll find someone out there who likes the way you look. Don't worry about what these other people say, because you'll eventually find someone that's attracted to you."
Condescending and patronizing, much?
The message we're sending to women when we use this phrase is that they should judge themselves based on how other people see them. This is absolutely not the case!
We should be encouraging women to see themselves as beautiful. By loving yourself, accepting who and what you are unconditionally, you become stronger for it. That's sound advice for everyone.
And so this is my challenge:
Who is the beholder? Is it some external force, some outsider that can't possibly understand you because they aren't you? Or is it yourself, the only opinion that really matters in matters of beauty?
Check yourself when you use this phrase, to be sure that you aren't encouraging people to view their beauty through the eyes of others instead of their own.
I recently caught myself using this phrase, and for some reason it struck me just how asinine a phrase it really is. On the surface, it's benign and harmless. Most of the time when I hear it, and when I use it, it is to boost the confidence of a woman who lacks self-confidence. Usually she's just been told by someone, often a man, that she's not pretty enough, not beautiful in any way, or that she's only good for one thing.
I realize I'm generalizing here, but I'm speaking from my personal experience. Bear with me. I'm not saying that all women, when faced with such criticisms, break down. I'm not saying that this pain is unidirectional from men to women. It can just as easily go the other way. It can be inflicted on people by others of the same gender.
But, as a man who identifies as a feminist, I recently realized what we use this phrase to really mean: "Oh, don't worry! You'll find someone out there who likes the way you look. Don't worry about what these other people say, because you'll eventually find someone that's attracted to you."
Condescending and patronizing, much?
The message we're sending to women when we use this phrase is that they should judge themselves based on how other people see them. This is absolutely not the case!
We should be encouraging women to see themselves as beautiful. By loving yourself, accepting who and what you are unconditionally, you become stronger for it. That's sound advice for everyone.
And so this is my challenge:
Who is the beholder? Is it some external force, some outsider that can't possibly understand you because they aren't you? Or is it yourself, the only opinion that really matters in matters of beauty?
Check yourself when you use this phrase, to be sure that you aren't encouraging people to view their beauty through the eyes of others instead of their own.